What I learned in primary today:

We taught a six and seven year-old Sunday school class today about the atonement. Part of the lesson is about Alma's repentance, and the lesson brings up a point that I never really thought about before. It says that Alma was forgiven because the savior would later atone for his sins. I started thinking that it would require a whole different kind of faith to take advantage of an atonement that was still yet to happen. We have very powerful and dramatic stories and images to fix on as we ponder and apply the atonement, that might make it easier to understand and accept.

Not to oversimplify, but I tend to think of the atonement in two parts, repenting of our sins, and healing our hearts. When we sin, I think that we experience, even if only "in the least degree" the consequences of our sins, so we have a reference as to what the savior...in any time... would have had to suffer for us, however I think that the healing applications of the atonement would be more difficult to accept.

Think of the ammonites' agony as they think on the murders they committed. How hard would it be to forgive yourself of sins for which you cannot make amends. How would you console yourself with only the assurance that someday, someone, somehow could make that right.

Imagine the angst of a parent who lost a child. It would be so hard to think that anyone could understand their suffering, let alone offer any healing.

The image of God suffering so greatly, that even with an angel at His side He still sweat great drops of blood... when we learn of the brutality of Christ's last few hours on earth and are taught that the physical pain He endured was insignificant compared to His spiritual suffering, I think we obtain that reference and our minds can accept that He has suffered enough that He does have the tools to heal our wounds, to comfort our souls.

Before Christ came the faithful did not have that. I wonder if they didn't have much purer faith than I have, and a much stronger relationship with their Savior. I think at least I am guilty of losing sight of the gratitude I should have that we are living in the fullness of times. I always associated that with priesthoods and ordinances, but I forget what a gift it is to have a fullness of scripture, of knowledge and what a rich legacy we have from millennia of prophets.

God's hand

In Sunday school the teacher accidentally gave out the wrong scripture reference, and I ended up on a page that was slightly out of the lesson. I noticed a passage I had marked while on my mission, and I started thinking about it.

Doctrine and Covenants 59:21And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments.

That has always surprised me. In Nothing doth man offend God more than when we do not confess His hand in all things. It seems like there is so much more we could do that would be so much worse, but I think that since our purpose here is to learn to be like God. Our best chance to do that is to learn who he is and what he does. It can be so difficult to see God's hand in all things. They stopped carrying our favorite salad dressing at Costco; how is God's hand in that? On a bit grander scale, I think we tend to see God in the good things in life, and we blame man for the bad, but I don't think that is fair either. Where is God's hand in a terrorist attack or a high school shooting?

"This is life eternal, to know thee the only true God..." I think in order to gain eternal life, we will need to see God's hand in the mundane and the ordinary. Some get promoted, others get laid off. I don't think we can make blanket statements about how Divine influence affects business, but through the microscope of our own lives, we should be able to see His fingerprints at the scene. I know that one job that I lost directly set me up for where I am now. There was a promotion that I fought for that I am convinced I couldn't do without His help, and the times when I have had to rely on Him has brought me closer to Him.

Often people talk about children growing up being dependent on their parents' testimonies. Lately I have found my thoughts lingering each time someone makes that sort of a reference... I might be misunderstanding their meaning, but it kind of seems that they are discrediting youthful testimonies.

Sometimes almost sounds as if when we grow up we have to stop believing our parents in order to gain a real testimony. I guess that could be true if we simply accept what our parents say and never recognize the spiritual confirmations...or if we don't believe, and we simply go through the motions of membership because of our parents.

As our parents teach us correct principles, the spirit will confirm the truth of what they teach. That will create a real, if simple testimony that has just as much power to direct our lives as a more 'mature' testimony.

For instance, as a young child, I'm sure I didn't understand the principle of tithing. But my parents taught me to set aside a tenth (I'm sure they helped me with the math as well) and I still remember bringing my tithing ($2.87 or whatever it was) to annual tithing settlement with my family. Before I could possibly understand the etymology of the words, I knew that paying my tithing to the bishop made me happy. From that fundamental base, very little has changed.

At some point, I payed my tithing simply because my parents told me to. Eventually I paid my tithing as an expression of gratitude for the blessings I have received and as a contribution toward building and maintaining the physical facilities etc. of the church. Always however I have paid my tithing because I thought it was right and I felt joy in obedience.

I don't believe that we have to abandon, or even question the faith and testimonies of our parents, the Sons of Helaman said, "We do not doubt our mothers knew it" and they demonstrated enormous faith. However, there does have to be a shift--not of faith, but of the source of truth. Initially gospel instruction will come primarily from our parents (as will most information) but as we mature, it will move to scriptures, prophets, inspiration from the spirit and regardless of the source we should come to realize when their teachings stand on their own merit.

Maybe it has been in my head so much because I have become a parent and now for someone I am that first source of truth.

What I now think is important is not just to teach truth--we should be doing that anyway, but we need to help those we teach develop their own testimony early on and recognize the manifestations of the spirit in their lives, so that they don't end up having a spiritual crisis later in their life.

Laman was short

It's been a while since I wrote here. I think I have said that I mostly use my blogs as a way to clear my head, and I got stuck on a concept that I couldn't "clear out" usually when that happens I just have a half-done draft and I can forget about it... but instead it sort-of just drove me away. Anyway, I was talking to a new friend and I remembered one of my long lost thoughts.

Sometimes Laman in Nephi's story seems so unreasonable, it is hard to come to any kind of an understanding. I wonder if that might be because we want to idealize anything in the scriptures. here's my theory.

First, Nephi was big. I think he was really big. He seems to throw in how big he is at unusual times in his narrative. "I, Nephi, being exceedingly young, nevertheless I was HUGE, and also having great desires to know the mysteries of God..." (Ok, a little artistic license) "And now I, Nephi, being a man large in stature, and also having received much strength of the Lord, therefore I did seize upon the servant of Laban" --I was really big, oh... and the lord helped me... tackle Zoram.

Now that seems to fit with our common conception of Book of Mormon heroes. Some of the most popular depictions of them show these strapping, clean shaven, tan, muscular, tall, archetypes of heroes. And I don't necessarily doubt that, but what if Laman was really short? Short enough to develop the so-called "short man syndrome"?

To me, that explains a lot about Laman's behavior. If the size difference between him and Nephi was enough to constitute a complex, it would make sense why he was always so defensive about Nephi taking any kind of leadership roles, why he just couldn't accept any criticism from Nephi, and even why he may have needed to use a stick to beat Nephi.

Think of how much we have learned (recently) about how the mind works. If you didn't know about schizophrenia, Tourette's syndrome, Alzheimer's, multiple personality disorder, clinical depression... how would you describe the symptoms? It would seem that these people were possessed. I think that King Saul had bipolar disorder... that is the only thing to me that makes sense. So maybe sometimes when the scriptures say that someone cast out a devil, it could more appropriately say that they healed a schizophrenic?

I wonder how many of our demons will turn out to be something that can be easily treated in the future? Maybe the "addictive personality" eventually will turn out to be an imbalance of dopamine in the amigdala or something.

Anyway, worth a thought no?

Which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor

In Ether Chapter 12 it says:

Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.

I really like the idea of hope as an anchor, I think the imagery is very powerful. I haven't been in real boats... just canoes and powerboats, so I may have some of the details wrong... you'll just have to forgive me.

First of all, when you are anchored, you will still have all of the ups and downs of life. An anchored ship still rises and falls with the tide, and with each wave. In a bad storm it can still take a beating. In our lives, hope alone isn't enough to protect us from troubles, pain or suffering. Nor will it keep us from spiritual wandering, but it can keep us close to our beliefs, and when we reach the "end of our chain" it will pull us back towards the place we found safety.

While the anchor does keep the ship tethered to the same point, the ship itself can actually move around that tether. I would assume that during low tide, the ship can wander farther than usual due to the extra slack in the chain/rope to which the anchor is connected. In the darkest times of our lives, when we reach our lowest points, we may find ourselves far from where we started, but the hope that we have can draw us back and as we draw on that hope, we can bring ourselves back to safety.

Anchors work best in a safe harbor. Dropping an anchor in the deep ocean in the middle of a storm will do little if any good. The anchor has a pre-determined depth (the length of the chain) where it will work. If you are deeper than the anchor can reach, it cannot find a foundation where it can secure you. If we only try to hope... to exercise our hope when we are already in trouble, the hope may not be enough to save us. There is a saying that there is no such thing as a Athiest in a foxhole, however if you wait till you are in a foxhole to hope that there is a God, it would be difficult for that hope to motivate your life, nor would it offer as much comfort as someone who had tried and experienced the stability and strength that comes from living a christian life.

An anchor isn't a mooring, it is not impossible for the ship to move. It is more difficult, but the ship could feasibly drag the anchor across the ocean floor. Hope isn't enough to guarantee that we will never stray too far. If we have that hope for a better world, but we let whatever winds prevail drive us... we might end up so far from that better world that we can no longer see it.

Personal Covenants

One of things that I love about the gospel is how personal it is. Of course there are commandments that we all must keep, but at some point we become like the young rich man who asked Christ "What lack I yet?" --he was given the opportunity to make a covenant of righteousness that wasn't necessarily asked of anyone else. Immediately the gospel became intimate. I think there are many reasons why we make personal covenants. In the story of the Ammonites, their personal covenants came of repentance.

"And now behold, I have somewhat to say concerning the people of Ammon, who, in the beginning, were Lamanites; but ... they had been converted ... They had taken an oath that they never would shed blood more;" -Alma 53:10-11

The powerful, familiar story follows that they were willing to literally lay down and die to preserve the covenant. Here is what the Amonites considered worse than death:

"We have been convinced of our sins, and of the many murders which we have committed. ... since it has been all that we could do ... to repent of all our sins ... and to get God to take them away from our hearts ... let us retain our swords that they be not stained with the blood of our brethren; for perhaps, if we should stain our swords again they can no more be washed bright" -Alma 24:9-13

(Emphasis mine) The amonites were raised as a violent and bloody people. They were warmongers and cruel, "bloodthirsty." It was a deep part of their culture and their identity. When they repented they abandoned all of that, and they could not return--at any cost. Even when the war was just and righteous, they could not participate. I think the reason is that if they did return to war, even with the right intentions, the habits and tendencies of the past would come back too strong and they would become lost to bloodlust and hatred.

Sometimes when we repent there are things that others can do that we can never do again. There may be movies that we cannot see, events that we cannot attend, or places that we cannot be. Situations that may otherwise be benign we must consider perilous. A former alcoholic is forever a "recovering" alcoholic because just a taste can recreate their addiction.

It must have been heartwrenching to see Nephites dying at the hands of their former brethren in their defense.

"But it came to pass that when they saw the danger, and the many afflictions and tribulations which the Nephites bore for them, they were moved with compassion and were desirous to take up arms in the defence of their country. ... And Helaman feared lest by so doing they should lose their souls" -Alma 53:13-15

The Nephites were willing to die so the Amonites wouldn't break their covenant. I'm afraid I fall far short of that. I realized that we have an obligation to support and help others keep, not just the formal covenants, but also personal covenants of righteousness. I think sometimes it is easy to think that someone is being self righteous, 'pious' or over zealous when their rules seem 'above and beyond' established doctrine. I can be opinionated and I fear I may have used my standard to determine the appropriateness of other peoples actions. I may have even tried to convince others to do something they are not comfortable with, because I am. I sorrow at the thought. The next time when someone has a higher standard of Sabbath Day obsevances, entertainment choices, dress standards, spending habits or whatever it may be, I hope they can count on me to be like the Nephites who said: "We will set our armies between ... that we may protect our brethren." -Alma 27/23

Protected by armor

Moroni has his troops wear armor into battle, when the lamanites wore none. The nephites were overwhelmingly protected. In theory that seems so obvious, however in practice, there would be cause for deep reservation. The armor would have been heavy, restrictive and hot. They would have fatigued much sooner, would have been slower, more awkward, and had difficulty maneuvering. The style of fighting at the time was unencumbered, it was what they were good at, and the lamanites could have litterally ran circles around them. It sounded good, but pragmatically it could have set them up for defeat.

The important thing was that their leader commanded it, they obeyed, and they were blessed.

On my mission there were many rules that sounded good, but had some practical limitations. For example we were asked to speak only the mission language. At first it seems obvious that speaking a language all the time will make you better, but in some cases, it could actually make it worse...Most of the missionaries in my mission were american. In many cases we reinforced our own bad accents and grammar--instead of hearing primarily natives speaking the language, when we were inundated with other people making the same mistakes we were prone to make, they started to sound correct. It also threw a huge burden on top of an already heavy load. It was really difficult to have two people trying to work together unable to effectively communicate because of an artificial limitation. It can be incredibly isolating, especially for new missionaries. And it is tiring because progress comes so slowly and there is virtually no repreive.

However, when our Mission president asked, I found myself saying "Esta bem" ("OK") To my suprise, my concerns, which I still think are valid seemed irrelevant, I just wanted to obey.

There are many things that we hear that sound good, but can be hard to embrace in practice. Food storage, Tithes and offerings, missionary work, family history etc. etc. I'm sure each one of us can think of several things we don't do as well as we should, and all of the reasons why.

Obviously we are blessed when we are obedient, and it is a worthy challenge to overcome all of our excuses, becoming more obedient. One thing I think is notable however is that at least two battles were avoided completely because of the nephites preparation. When the Lamanites first saw the armored nephites, they ran in fear. Later Moroni fortified a city and when the Lamanites arrived, they "Durst not attack,""therefore they retreated"

What if just because we have food storage, the devourer is rebuked, and we never need to use it.