Watch and pray

It surprises me how quickly the suffering in Gethsemane is covered in the gospels. It seems almost before you can begin to ponder the importance it's over and Peter is swinging around that sword. I find myself compelled to read on, I don't know if I just want the end to be over, or if I'm afraid of lingering in the Garden with the suffering Christ.

Jesus' own apostles failed to recognize the importance. Now of course, we see all the signs Jesus gave to them that pointed to his suffering and death. Sometimes it almost seems that the gospel writers emphasize how little the disciples understood. But are we any better? I am guilty of sleeping through scripture study, prayers, church meetings, and other sacred worship meetings. My mind will wander when participating in sacraments.

The atonement has been the subject of countless books, talks, sermons and testimonies. But maybe most importantly, it has been the subject of quiet, intimate, personal worship moments of all true Christians. As relating to the Canon in whole, maybe the Savior wanted the garden to receive a minimal amount of attention. The most sacred experiences we have should be shared sparingly, protected from misuse, and overuse.

Naively I think I expect a deeper discussion, or boldface type, or at least a dedicated chapter to the supernal act that changed the course of all existence.

The unfamiliar and the unbeliever must focus, almost entirely, on Jesus' acts and teachings before they can understand and appreciate what happened on the Mount of Olives. Thankfully the Bible didn't turn out the way I would have written it.


What of the sleeping disciples? How do we open ourselves to temptation when we fail to watch and pray? Wouldn't the disciples have noticed the saviors angst when he spoke to them? At a stone's cast distance, it seems the three chosen apostles would have been able to see the agony, or at least the angel had they been alert. I'm reluctant to believe that the sleep itself is the condemning act (not to excuse myself).

If Christs suffering was infinite and eternal, can't we assume that it extends into each moment, both forward and backward from that night thousands of years ago. Suddenly I imagine the worst moments of my life playing out just yards away from my precious Savior kneeling and begging that I be forgiven for what I am doing. When I let my eyes droop, even though my spirit be willing, if I succumb to the flesh I'm oblivious. Time and time again He comes to me, gently wakes me and asks me to watch just a little longer, and instants later I am back, drowning in my selfish dreams while He goes on without me.

I don't want to be there any more.

Every day it's as if I skim the scriptures and miss the atonement verses, but every day I have the chance to try again. I want to learn to commune, to worship. I want to be able to watch through the hour and see myself as a support to the Savior in His work.

To Stand

Sometimes it seems like being... good or righteous is so hard. It seems like there is a long list of "don't"s that we can't possibly avoid, and a longer list of "do"s that we couldn't even approach accomplishing.

I think some scriptures are there to inspire us with our potential, and some are there to help comfort us in our frailty.

One resonating scripture for me is Ephesians 6.

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

To stand. God expects us to battle Satan, in all his forms, but we don't need to make some great showing, we don't need a body count, or proof of ground gained. When it's all done, we just need to be able to stand.

In the story of the prodigal son (sorry to beat this one to death), the Savior says "For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found" And that was worthy of joy and merry making. He doesn't say "this my son is successful," or "accomplished." Alive, found. Those are pretty meager qualifications for bringing our father joy.

"Ask," "knock," "open your ears," "come," "follow." He is willing to do all the work. Behold, I will go before you and be your rearward; I will fight your battles. the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand All He requires are things like faith, trust, hope and humility.

Prodigal Son Contd

I mentioned my previous comment (that the prodigal lost any increase to his inheritance) in a class, and it seemed to have been taken as if he lost his exaltation. I don't see it like that, to me what the faithful gained and what the prodigal lost is what the Lord in the Doctrine and Covenants calls "the drop." To me, exaltation in this story is analogous to coming home to the father's house, both were home. The calf, the robe and the ring, were all just blessings. In this case temporal, in our case many of them would be spiritual.

CS Lewis said:

A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is... A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. Mere Christianity

I would assume that similarly, greater blessings are allotted to those who withstand temptations.


Another thought came to me during our class discussion when I looked closer at the gifts. The son was destitute, if he couldn't feed himself, he would surely be dressed in rags. His father gave him a cloak and shoes, it was the best cloak, but it was just a cloak. The ring on his finger might not decoration. I don't know much about Jewish history and traditions, but I know in many cultures rings were symbols of the family with crests etc. The father may not have been trying to decorate his son, as much as claim his son. Let the prodigal, and everyone else know, that he would not be received as a mere servant, but he was in fact his father's son and welcome in his house. Since the son was envious of pig feed, he was probably emaciated and malnourished. It may have taken the fatted calf to help restore his son's health.

When we repent, when we turn back to God, even when we are "yet a great way off" He will run to us. He will spiritually cover us, protect us from the rocks and dust and weather we have passed, and will guide us home. He will proudly claim us as His children and he will fill us with the best He has to offer.

It might seem unfair that the newly repented seem to get so much so quickly, just as with the older son. His problem (and our problem) is forgetting our blessings. Elder Holland said,

this dutiful son—and he is wonderfully dutiful—forgets for a moment that he has never had to know filth or despair, fear or self-loathing. He forgets for a moment that every calf on the ranch is already his and so are all the robes in the closet and every ring in the drawer. He forgets for a moment that his faithfulness has been and always will be rewarded.

He hadn't gone naked. His feet hadn't been bruised, torn and battered by walking miles shoeless. He hadn't felt the deep loneliness his brother experienced, not lost his family, friends, wealth and personal identity. While his brother had lost all these things he had been earning more clothes and calves and money and friends.

We might feel a little resentful when someone seems showered in blessings. They may get a close relationship with family members or priesthood leaders. Maybe people go out of their way to befriend them, or they get a calling that we have always wanted. It might seem that they don't deserve the blessings that they are receiving. While it might be true that they didn't work for these blessings, they did pay for the blessings. Pain, sorrow, embarrassments that the faithful, thankfully, don't have to endure.

It usually seems so easy to find things to complain about, but when I really look at my life, I can see that I am blessed so much more than I deserve. Especially when blessings come gradually it can be easy to ignore, forget, or even expect the blessings that we have, so that we don't recognize them as the gifts that they are. Next time I find myself sulking just within earshot of someone else's party, I hope I can quickly check myself and head in singing.