Laman was short

It's been a while since I wrote here. I think I have said that I mostly use my blogs as a way to clear my head, and I got stuck on a concept that I couldn't "clear out" usually when that happens I just have a half-done draft and I can forget about it... but instead it sort-of just drove me away. Anyway, I was talking to a new friend and I remembered one of my long lost thoughts.

Sometimes Laman in Nephi's story seems so unreasonable, it is hard to come to any kind of an understanding. I wonder if that might be because we want to idealize anything in the scriptures. here's my theory.

First, Nephi was big. I think he was really big. He seems to throw in how big he is at unusual times in his narrative. "I, Nephi, being exceedingly young, nevertheless I was HUGE, and also having great desires to know the mysteries of God..." (Ok, a little artistic license) "And now I, Nephi, being a man large in stature, and also having received much strength of the Lord, therefore I did seize upon the servant of Laban" --I was really big, oh... and the lord helped me... tackle Zoram.

Now that seems to fit with our common conception of Book of Mormon heroes. Some of the most popular depictions of them show these strapping, clean shaven, tan, muscular, tall, archetypes of heroes. And I don't necessarily doubt that, but what if Laman was really short? Short enough to develop the so-called "short man syndrome"?

To me, that explains a lot about Laman's behavior. If the size difference between him and Nephi was enough to constitute a complex, it would make sense why he was always so defensive about Nephi taking any kind of leadership roles, why he just couldn't accept any criticism from Nephi, and even why he may have needed to use a stick to beat Nephi.

Think of how much we have learned (recently) about how the mind works. If you didn't know about schizophrenia, Tourette's syndrome, Alzheimer's, multiple personality disorder, clinical depression... how would you describe the symptoms? It would seem that these people were possessed. I think that King Saul had bipolar disorder... that is the only thing to me that makes sense. So maybe sometimes when the scriptures say that someone cast out a devil, it could more appropriately say that they healed a schizophrenic?

I wonder how many of our demons will turn out to be something that can be easily treated in the future? Maybe the "addictive personality" eventually will turn out to be an imbalance of dopamine in the amigdala or something.

Anyway, worth a thought no?

Which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor

In Ether Chapter 12 it says:

Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.

I really like the idea of hope as an anchor, I think the imagery is very powerful. I haven't been in real boats... just canoes and powerboats, so I may have some of the details wrong... you'll just have to forgive me.

First of all, when you are anchored, you will still have all of the ups and downs of life. An anchored ship still rises and falls with the tide, and with each wave. In a bad storm it can still take a beating. In our lives, hope alone isn't enough to protect us from troubles, pain or suffering. Nor will it keep us from spiritual wandering, but it can keep us close to our beliefs, and when we reach the "end of our chain" it will pull us back towards the place we found safety.

While the anchor does keep the ship tethered to the same point, the ship itself can actually move around that tether. I would assume that during low tide, the ship can wander farther than usual due to the extra slack in the chain/rope to which the anchor is connected. In the darkest times of our lives, when we reach our lowest points, we may find ourselves far from where we started, but the hope that we have can draw us back and as we draw on that hope, we can bring ourselves back to safety.

Anchors work best in a safe harbor. Dropping an anchor in the deep ocean in the middle of a storm will do little if any good. The anchor has a pre-determined depth (the length of the chain) where it will work. If you are deeper than the anchor can reach, it cannot find a foundation where it can secure you. If we only try to hope... to exercise our hope when we are already in trouble, the hope may not be enough to save us. There is a saying that there is no such thing as a Athiest in a foxhole, however if you wait till you are in a foxhole to hope that there is a God, it would be difficult for that hope to motivate your life, nor would it offer as much comfort as someone who had tried and experienced the stability and strength that comes from living a christian life.

An anchor isn't a mooring, it is not impossible for the ship to move. It is more difficult, but the ship could feasibly drag the anchor across the ocean floor. Hope isn't enough to guarantee that we will never stray too far. If we have that hope for a better world, but we let whatever winds prevail drive us... we might end up so far from that better world that we can no longer see it.

Personal Covenants

One of things that I love about the gospel is how personal it is. Of course there are commandments that we all must keep, but at some point we become like the young rich man who asked Christ "What lack I yet?" --he was given the opportunity to make a covenant of righteousness that wasn't necessarily asked of anyone else. Immediately the gospel became intimate. I think there are many reasons why we make personal covenants. In the story of the Ammonites, their personal covenants came of repentance.

"And now behold, I have somewhat to say concerning the people of Ammon, who, in the beginning, were Lamanites; but ... they had been converted ... They had taken an oath that they never would shed blood more;" -Alma 53:10-11

The powerful, familiar story follows that they were willing to literally lay down and die to preserve the covenant. Here is what the Amonites considered worse than death:

"We have been convinced of our sins, and of the many murders which we have committed. ... since it has been all that we could do ... to repent of all our sins ... and to get God to take them away from our hearts ... let us retain our swords that they be not stained with the blood of our brethren; for perhaps, if we should stain our swords again they can no more be washed bright" -Alma 24:9-13

(Emphasis mine) The amonites were raised as a violent and bloody people. They were warmongers and cruel, "bloodthirsty." It was a deep part of their culture and their identity. When they repented they abandoned all of that, and they could not return--at any cost. Even when the war was just and righteous, they could not participate. I think the reason is that if they did return to war, even with the right intentions, the habits and tendencies of the past would come back too strong and they would become lost to bloodlust and hatred.

Sometimes when we repent there are things that others can do that we can never do again. There may be movies that we cannot see, events that we cannot attend, or places that we cannot be. Situations that may otherwise be benign we must consider perilous. A former alcoholic is forever a "recovering" alcoholic because just a taste can recreate their addiction.

It must have been heartwrenching to see Nephites dying at the hands of their former brethren in their defense.

"But it came to pass that when they saw the danger, and the many afflictions and tribulations which the Nephites bore for them, they were moved with compassion and were desirous to take up arms in the defence of their country. ... And Helaman feared lest by so doing they should lose their souls" -Alma 53:13-15

The Nephites were willing to die so the Amonites wouldn't break their covenant. I'm afraid I fall far short of that. I realized that we have an obligation to support and help others keep, not just the formal covenants, but also personal covenants of righteousness. I think sometimes it is easy to think that someone is being self righteous, 'pious' or over zealous when their rules seem 'above and beyond' established doctrine. I can be opinionated and I fear I may have used my standard to determine the appropriateness of other peoples actions. I may have even tried to convince others to do something they are not comfortable with, because I am. I sorrow at the thought. The next time when someone has a higher standard of Sabbath Day obsevances, entertainment choices, dress standards, spending habits or whatever it may be, I hope they can count on me to be like the Nephites who said: "We will set our armies between ... that we may protect our brethren." -Alma 27/23

Protected by armor

Moroni has his troops wear armor into battle, when the lamanites wore none. The nephites were overwhelmingly protected. In theory that seems so obvious, however in practice, there would be cause for deep reservation. The armor would have been heavy, restrictive and hot. They would have fatigued much sooner, would have been slower, more awkward, and had difficulty maneuvering. The style of fighting at the time was unencumbered, it was what they were good at, and the lamanites could have litterally ran circles around them. It sounded good, but pragmatically it could have set them up for defeat.

The important thing was that their leader commanded it, they obeyed, and they were blessed.

On my mission there were many rules that sounded good, but had some practical limitations. For example we were asked to speak only the mission language. At first it seems obvious that speaking a language all the time will make you better, but in some cases, it could actually make it worse...Most of the missionaries in my mission were american. In many cases we reinforced our own bad accents and grammar--instead of hearing primarily natives speaking the language, when we were inundated with other people making the same mistakes we were prone to make, they started to sound correct. It also threw a huge burden on top of an already heavy load. It was really difficult to have two people trying to work together unable to effectively communicate because of an artificial limitation. It can be incredibly isolating, especially for new missionaries. And it is tiring because progress comes so slowly and there is virtually no repreive.

However, when our Mission president asked, I found myself saying "Esta bem" ("OK") To my suprise, my concerns, which I still think are valid seemed irrelevant, I just wanted to obey.

There are many things that we hear that sound good, but can be hard to embrace in practice. Food storage, Tithes and offerings, missionary work, family history etc. etc. I'm sure each one of us can think of several things we don't do as well as we should, and all of the reasons why.

Obviously we are blessed when we are obedient, and it is a worthy challenge to overcome all of our excuses, becoming more obedient. One thing I think is notable however is that at least two battles were avoided completely because of the nephites preparation. When the Lamanites first saw the armored nephites, they ran in fear. Later Moroni fortified a city and when the Lamanites arrived, they "Durst not attack,""therefore they retreated"

What if just because we have food storage, the devourer is rebuked, and we never need to use it.

rain rain go away

The past few weeks have been... frustrating. There have been a lot of little crises, nothing serious enough to be tragic, but enough to be exasperating. And I have felt to complain. I know better. Last weekend we visited my parents, and I heard my dad give a Sunday school lesson.

My dad shared an experience about one of the hardest financial times he and my mom went through. He said how difficult and humiliating it was, but then, after it was (finally) over, how it lead to him getting the job he had for 13 years and the house that I grew up in. That was the life I new in my formative years, and to it I owe who I have become.

A few years ago, I went through a family tragedy that affected me more than I expected. Afterword I struggled in school, and at work, and shortly after marriage I found myself out of school, out of a job, and pretty jaded. It was a really humiliating time for me, and honestly I was scared. However I ended up getting the job I have now, that has given me the opportunity for immense growth and has been one of the best things that has happened to me in my life. I never would have found this job if I had kept working and plugging away at school "like I was supposed to."

Sometimes God takes the helm, and throws the wheel for a few spins... It can feel like we are careening out of control, but he knows what he is doing.

After both our cars breaking in the same week, as the borrowed suburban sputtered to a stop on the side of the freeway (It was only out of gas, and luckily thankfully we were very close to a gas station) I couldn't help think of Job. Not that I compare at all what happened to us to what happened to him, but the problems seemed warrantless, and came so fast and close together it seems impossible it was happenstance. I knew then that I didn't have Job's patience, and I was reminded again how much worse things could be, and how blessed (overall) we really are.

Today, I'm thinking of Joseph in the Old Testament. I'm sure that he felt--or at least he had cause to feel that he had been abandoned. Thrown in a pit the same day that a band of slave traders came by... it was almost like God wanted him to be sold into slavery... Now we have the luxury of knowing the end from the beginning, but I bet it was pretty awful for Joseph at the time.

I do have faith that good can come of this... that God can come of this... I'm afraid I haven't been patient or faithful.

I think the ideal is that we gain so much faith in God, that we will spin off course ourselves. If of course it is the way God intends us to go. I am always amazed at the faith of Moses. He started as a man of great power in Egypt, but he felt inspired to abandon that (in the process burning many bridges that would have been invaluable later in his life). He lowered himself to a slave, then was told to free all of the slaves. He conceivably could have done that while he was in the Pharaoh's favor, but without that power the task seemed herculean. When he finally had freed his people, he was directed to lead a multitude of men, women, children, elderly and all of their cattle and possessions, to flee from an army on chariots. Moses followed God's direction straight to the edge of the sea... with no boats, no retreat, no chance of outrunning or out maneuvering their pursuers. He was a prophet he could have known what God had planned, but I believe that he was like Nephi "Led by the spirit, not knowing beforehand"

I don't think God wanted us chasing down wildlife in the car or anything, but maybe when things start going bad, and I am doing what I am supposed to, instead of saying "Why me" I should say "What am I missing?" and start packing for a trip to the Red Sea.

10 Virgins

A few things about the parable of the ten virgins has always felt a little enigmatic to me. I understand the correlation between oil and spiritual preparedness, but the parable itself seemed to have some incongruities.

While it is clear that faith, testimony and obedience are not things that can be divvied out hap-hazardly, I wondered why in the context of the story the five wise virgins were unable to share their oil with the foolish five. Since the wedding feasts were typically celebrated at night, the guest’s lamps would have provided the lighting for the occasion, and it would be prudent to bring enough oil to last the whole night long. That would then demonstrate the foolish five’s short sightedness. Not only were they unprepared to wait for the bridegroom, but they were entirely unprepared for the wedding itself.

It also seemed harsh that the bridegroom would not open the door for his tardy friends. As I tried to picture myself there, I imagined a dark and empty street contrasted with the light and noise of the marriage. After the guests are in and the door is shut, a group arrives obscured in the shadows and barely audible over the din crying “Lord, open to us” _{–Matthew 25:11} When the groom replies “I know you not” _{–verse 12} He is not denouncing their friendship, but saying, “I don’t know that you are who you say you are. I can’t recognize you in the dark against the noise of the party. I can’t let you in lest you be an enemy” When the Joseph Smith translation uses the phrase, “Ye know me not,” that takes it a step further. “I can’t trust you. If you knew me you would have known to watch for me and been told of my coming, you would have been ready to join the procession and have entered with me.”

If we are to know Christ, to join His entourage and celebrate with Him, we must be prepared. If we are to pass through the gate where He “employeth no servant” _{– 2 Nephi 9:41} we must be able to hold up our light so that He can look into our faces and welcome us with a smile.

Calling

To round up the New Testament class I have been in, I wrote a paper. I used much of the material from this blog in the paper, so I thought it only fair that I use some elements in the paper on the blog.

In the Luke 5 account of the calling of Peter, previously I had focused almost entirely on the story—the prophetic knowledge of the Savior and the over-abundance of fish. This time however I tried to see what Peter saw that led him to follow Christ. Peter had just experienced a long, unfruitful, and probably frustrating day. To add insult to injury, a great deal of work still had to be done although they had worked into the night and caught no fish. While Peter is about this business, which he surely would simply like to quickly finish and leave, a stranger comes and asks him to cease his work, launch his boat, and wait for Him to deliver a sermon. Peter complies. That speaks volumes about the character of Peter and helps me understand part of why Jesus chose him as an apostle and later successor. The rest of the story speaks volumes of Christ.

Helping Jesus seemed the worst thing a fisherman could have done. From a professional standpoint Peter should have quickly finished his work, and retired home to plan for the next day. His time would have been well spent studying charts or the weather, and getting as much rest as possible to start the next day early and with energy. Peter however chose to help another, and for that Jesus blessed him. After Peter had shown that he was willing to sacrifice for his fellow men, after Peter had given of his talents, possessions, and his time (perhaps a tithe of his day) the Savior followed the pattern of the Lord’s promise in Malachi: “prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.” _{–Malachi 3:5} Jesus gave Peter the opportunity to prove, to test, the Savior. When Peter exercised his faith in Jesus’ words, (again against ‘professional’ wisdom) Christ gave him a blessing so copious that there literally was not room to receive it all. There were more fish than his, and his partner’s, boats were designed to carry. Then Jesus invited him to leave his prize and follow Him. Peter (and his brother) Straightway left their nets, Forsook all, and followed him.

Peter obviously was capable of seeing things on a higher plane. Peter recognized that what the Savior had to offer was so much more important than the small fortune of fish he had caught, more important than the livelihood that he had chosen for himself and his family, more important than his home, possessions and friendship bonds. I hope that as I come to know Christ, I can see beyond the moment, beyond the fish or wealth or whatever is in front of me, and I can choose the better part like Peter did.

Christ’s method for calling His disciples was simple. There was no pomp or ceremony. Often it was three words of simple invitation, “Come follow me.” Christ did not promise wealth or power, in fact, in this case He did the opposite. He called Peter and John to leave their bounteous catch. Our call to follow Christ will likewise be subtle. Some calls come from private interviews with Priesthood leaders, other calls come as quiet whispers from the spirit calling us to action. Sometimes our invitation will be nothing more than an increased resolve to be righteous, strong and just. It is up to us to follow. We would do well to follow the example of Peter, straightway forsaking all and following Him.