Watch and pray

It surprises me how quickly the suffering in Gethsemane is covered in the gospels. It seems almost before you can begin to ponder the importance it's over and Peter is swinging around that sword. I find myself compelled to read on, I don't know if I just want the end to be over, or if I'm afraid of lingering in the Garden with the suffering Christ.

Jesus' own apostles failed to recognize the importance. Now of course, we see all the signs Jesus gave to them that pointed to his suffering and death. Sometimes it almost seems that the gospel writers emphasize how little the disciples understood. But are we any better? I am guilty of sleeping through scripture study, prayers, church meetings, and other sacred worship meetings. My mind will wander when participating in sacraments.

The atonement has been the subject of countless books, talks, sermons and testimonies. But maybe most importantly, it has been the subject of quiet, intimate, personal worship moments of all true Christians. As relating to the Canon in whole, maybe the Savior wanted the garden to receive a minimal amount of attention. The most sacred experiences we have should be shared sparingly, protected from misuse, and overuse.

Naively I think I expect a deeper discussion, or boldface type, or at least a dedicated chapter to the supernal act that changed the course of all existence.

The unfamiliar and the unbeliever must focus, almost entirely, on Jesus' acts and teachings before they can understand and appreciate what happened on the Mount of Olives. Thankfully the Bible didn't turn out the way I would have written it.


What of the sleeping disciples? How do we open ourselves to temptation when we fail to watch and pray? Wouldn't the disciples have noticed the saviors angst when he spoke to them? At a stone's cast distance, it seems the three chosen apostles would have been able to see the agony, or at least the angel had they been alert. I'm reluctant to believe that the sleep itself is the condemning act (not to excuse myself).

If Christs suffering was infinite and eternal, can't we assume that it extends into each moment, both forward and backward from that night thousands of years ago. Suddenly I imagine the worst moments of my life playing out just yards away from my precious Savior kneeling and begging that I be forgiven for what I am doing. When I let my eyes droop, even though my spirit be willing, if I succumb to the flesh I'm oblivious. Time and time again He comes to me, gently wakes me and asks me to watch just a little longer, and instants later I am back, drowning in my selfish dreams while He goes on without me.

I don't want to be there any more.

Every day it's as if I skim the scriptures and miss the atonement verses, but every day I have the chance to try again. I want to learn to commune, to worship. I want to be able to watch through the hour and see myself as a support to the Savior in His work.