rain rain go away

The past few weeks have been... frustrating. There have been a lot of little crises, nothing serious enough to be tragic, but enough to be exasperating. And I have felt to complain. I know better. Last weekend we visited my parents, and I heard my dad give a Sunday school lesson.

My dad shared an experience about one of the hardest financial times he and my mom went through. He said how difficult and humiliating it was, but then, after it was (finally) over, how it lead to him getting the job he had for 13 years and the house that I grew up in. That was the life I new in my formative years, and to it I owe who I have become.

A few years ago, I went through a family tragedy that affected me more than I expected. Afterword I struggled in school, and at work, and shortly after marriage I found myself out of school, out of a job, and pretty jaded. It was a really humiliating time for me, and honestly I was scared. However I ended up getting the job I have now, that has given me the opportunity for immense growth and has been one of the best things that has happened to me in my life. I never would have found this job if I had kept working and plugging away at school "like I was supposed to."

Sometimes God takes the helm, and throws the wheel for a few spins... It can feel like we are careening out of control, but he knows what he is doing.

After both our cars breaking in the same week, as the borrowed suburban sputtered to a stop on the side of the freeway (It was only out of gas, and luckily thankfully we were very close to a gas station) I couldn't help think of Job. Not that I compare at all what happened to us to what happened to him, but the problems seemed warrantless, and came so fast and close together it seems impossible it was happenstance. I knew then that I didn't have Job's patience, and I was reminded again how much worse things could be, and how blessed (overall) we really are.

Today, I'm thinking of Joseph in the Old Testament. I'm sure that he felt--or at least he had cause to feel that he had been abandoned. Thrown in a pit the same day that a band of slave traders came by... it was almost like God wanted him to be sold into slavery... Now we have the luxury of knowing the end from the beginning, but I bet it was pretty awful for Joseph at the time.

I do have faith that good can come of this... that God can come of this... I'm afraid I haven't been patient or faithful.

I think the ideal is that we gain so much faith in God, that we will spin off course ourselves. If of course it is the way God intends us to go. I am always amazed at the faith of Moses. He started as a man of great power in Egypt, but he felt inspired to abandon that (in the process burning many bridges that would have been invaluable later in his life). He lowered himself to a slave, then was told to free all of the slaves. He conceivably could have done that while he was in the Pharaoh's favor, but without that power the task seemed herculean. When he finally had freed his people, he was directed to lead a multitude of men, women, children, elderly and all of their cattle and possessions, to flee from an army on chariots. Moses followed God's direction straight to the edge of the sea... with no boats, no retreat, no chance of outrunning or out maneuvering their pursuers. He was a prophet he could have known what God had planned, but I believe that he was like Nephi "Led by the spirit, not knowing beforehand"

I don't think God wanted us chasing down wildlife in the car or anything, but maybe when things start going bad, and I am doing what I am supposed to, instead of saying "Why me" I should say "What am I missing?" and start packing for a trip to the Red Sea.